i’ve been worrying about time and mortality recently so i hope today that i have a nice low stakes comedy epi…
the team crash lands on a planet where the locals, in fear of the wraith practice ritual suicide when they reach the age of 25.
So Shep and Co are flying around some nondescript forest in a gateship and while taking a break from expounding on his theory that most life bearing planets look suspiciously like that forest 5 miles out of Vancouver Rodney discovers a beep on the scanners. turns out it’s an EMP shield thing and they crash on a beach and teeyla, showing off her infinate wisdom that has made her the troi of this series leads them in the direction they were flying instead of back the way they came. but it’s ok though because blackguy leads them into an ambush set up by child actors who take them back to their treetop village. oh joy! but wait, these guys are lead by googly-eyes man who exposit that they all commit sekkupukku at the age of 25 so the wraith don’t find them as tasty (disregarding the fact that young meat is usually much more tender). plus they don’t call adults “grups” cause that would be stupid *cough* 60s trek *cough* but instead fullgrowns. shep talks to googly and his number one; pattonhat who wants to kill them all because they’re old. oh and coincidence of coincidences googly is going to turn 25 tomorrow so he’s gonna die leaving patton as leader. meanwhile rodney, blackguy and two kids inspired by siblings one of the producers had to sit next to on an aeroplane journey discover the “tech thing in a cave” set that we will be seeing a lot more of in the future, trust me. oooh lookie, a ZED.P.M, which rodney bags so that he and blackguy can fly home to look at it in a lab now the EMP is down. turns out that the EMP was protecting those guys from the wraith, well duh, and the suicide thing is just population control cause the shield is tiny, sorta like that sg1 episode where guys live in a forcefield dome and are assimilated by wikipedia to walk out and die in acid so the forcefield can last for longer. weir also tells him to put it back now, because it hasn’t got much charge so isn’t really useful to them. coincidence of coincidences while rodney is walking back the wraith send probes… ok that’s more because there was a dead one sending an SOS beacon which activated when the field went down. oh and rodney discovers that the EMP has a long and complicated bootup sequence because of course it is. shep notices the dead guy’s locator bracelet and goes ham on it, killing it but patton is like “WTF dude, that’s our shrine!” and orders dead man walking googly to take em home. googly takes em to the EMP instead and they tell him that they need to get it on to save them from the wraith and also that he doesn’t have to die. but patton shows up and asks them why they’re dawdling so they hide rodney behind a bush and go with him to the gateship. then they wraith show up with floating balls. patton shoots googly in the chest which breaks his arm somehow and rodney kills the balls with the emp. some guy tells patton that the EMP kills balls and everyone lives happily-ever-eventual-death-futility-after because rodney made the shield bigger so it runs out quicker
what did we learn today? don’t kill people even though they’re going to die eventually anyway or be bored by infinite life.
man, i really need to stop thinking about death
nobody, uh, nobody expects the lante… oh bugger, we dun showed up late.