Today: Sanctuary, and not amanda tapping’s show about bigfoot and stuff, that won’t happen until at least season 5.
Last time on stargate atlantis (as narrated by carson beckett): the wraith are bad and the ancients are space ghosts, though not space ghost as that would be less stupid that they usually are.
and without transition we’re now in the episode. wraith darts are for some reason pwn’ing shepsquad’s gateship. then they get hit by space plasma from planet whatever and the wraith get fried but shep and co are ok.
uh… ok? well that was… uh. i guess that kind of made sense.
Shep and co go down to the planet and discover a bunch of people with a vaguely new-zealand feel to their clothing and buildings and a vaguely southwest Canadian feel to their forest. they don’t look like the sort to be building WMDs and a bunch of old men in air nomad getup tell them that duh, the local god did that. breaking from cliché these spiritual guys turn out to be pretty accepting of the space explorers and mkay being a dick to them, but when shep proposes that they take in refugees to hide on wraith free world but after consulting with the weirdly young hot high priestess they say “yeah, we can’t do that”. shep, never one to waste a weeks show on arguing that kind of thing goes into full on captain kirk mode and seduces the space babe by offering her a tour of atlantis.
hilarious hijinks ensue as dr beckett scans her with his STD detector to find she doesn’t have space herpes, mkay goes insane trying to prove she’s actually an alien and teylaa pines for shep. meanwhile weir offers her books on making diggers and the pastafarian manifesto, but stupidly no vidja games, in an attempt to persuade her to give their friends room and board but she’s just like “primitive 21st century man with your fighting and your wars and your digital watches”. she also turns on Atlantis’ alien detector that chakotay installed last week. after a picnic with shep in which she tells him that she really wants to do the space dance with no waste removal undergarment with him everyone goes to the awkward dinner scene with crazy uncle mkay sitting in the corner googling her and everyone else casually implying that he’s being a dick. then it turns out she’s an ancient and was the local god all along and her planet is under attack because ya look after a planet for thousands of years without incident and then when ya pop out for five minutes and the wraith show up. she runs back to new zealand planet followed by shep but she’s like “nah, i got this” and kills all of them. shep lands and they talk about how she’s bound to protect this world, because the ancients are kinda dicks, and she can’t take in anyone else, because the ancients are kinda dicks, and she can’t break the prime directive, because the ancients are kinda trekkies. then they have spaceghost sex, because the ancients are totally ok with sheppard being captain kirk.
what was gained in this episode? one alien detector that they already had.
what was lost in this episode? 2 drone weapon ammo and shep’s ghost virginity.
what characters developed in this episode? nobody
kinda pointless to be honest, and nothing that interesting happens. might want to give this one a miss.