“they launch gateships and one is ‘splode. then the dart scans them and suicides”
“weir and zelenka have use the magic 8 scanners to find out that the wraith will be there by the season finale and now they’re SOL.”
and now the conclusion
Rodney has been sciencing and thinks he can open the gate to earth for a second, obviously not long enough to GDO the iris open and have someone step through but it’s enough to send a compressed message thing. meanwhile shep and teylaa think they can scout the wraith because they keep stopping for lunch.
i thought this was just going to be a clip show but it turns out it’s 4/10ths of an episode, 4/10ths of a found footage documentary and 2/10ths clip show. neat, i guess.
so shep and teylaa fly off to farm planet 412 and tell teylaa’s old man friend they may be able to pick him up when the wraith show up to fill up on human juice. shep isn’t happy because he’s a commando/pilot not a bus driver. meanwhile Mkay optimises and manages to get enough time to send vlogs recorded by ford back home. as this column is letters from pegasus these are transcripts of some of those vlogs:
Message reads: Hi grandma, Hi Grandad. Aiden here. just calling to say i’m fine and i’ll either see you soon or become Pegasus jango fett. not sure, haven’t checked the wiki yet.
Message reads: Hey mum, hope you’re ok and taking your pills [Aidenford@Atlantis.gov.peg]: don’t you have something sentimental to say like you miss her or something? [CarsonBeckett@Atlantis.gov.peg]: Dammnit Aiden i’m a Doctor not a… bloody hell… or something.
To: the families of everyone who died
Message reads: sorry that andy sanberg died, and that terrified dude and mark hamill died, and that that guy from last episode died, and that all those stupid science dudes died, oh and those redshirts that got shot by master stick ninja died, oh and then i died at one point too [WhineyScientist@Atlantis.gov.peg]: you suck at your job! [Weirster98@Atlantis.gov.peg]: wow, i kinda do. by the way simon i totally had imaginary sex with gas aliens that look like you and you’re going to have to step up your game when next we meet.
Message reads: General by the way weir totally sucks at her job, she can’t even keep herself alive and there was the time we broke the geneva convention and she won’t listen to my ideas and it’s not fair, I’M NOT PLAYING ANYMORE!
Message reads: can somebody help, i’ve been locked in this brig for weeks now and the only food i get is from Dr Mckay and he only seems to visit me because his cat’s in another galaxy. come on these freckles and i’m the surrogate for a virgin’s cat, i am so going to kill the writers for this. come on, i’ll let you have the designs for my super sweet uniform.
Message Reads: tak proto, že nikdo u letectva USA hovoří česky i ti mohou říci vše o té scéně od pilota kde město růže. bohužel Google Translate naštve, takže je to asi špatně grammared ale hej mohu rozbít 4. zeď, když diváci mě nemůže rozumět. také kozy je československé pro B00bies
To: SamCarter055@SGC.gov.us, JeannieMiller@ScienceDjin.com
Message Reads: hey sam, long time no see. do you know i spend a lot of my time out here thinking of you ne… cut that bit ford. anyway as it seems my demise is inevitable to the encroaching hordes of space vampires striking out to find and drain us brave ninety… are we still in the 90s or has weir killed off more than that by now? anyway the ninety-ishof us of our precious juices. sadly unlike the imaginary versions of you and the girl next door who looks after my cat that juice is not my s… FORD CUT THAT! anyway. i have decided since we’re all gonna die to impart my brilliant views of science and the world on humanity. first off leadership! ah, leadership. i knew i was destined to lead from when i was in Canadian highschool or secondary school or whatever we call it (author note: i’m already confused by the modern english schooling system, so i don’t care how it works). back then out of admiration of my skill and charm my form tutor appointed me to the student leadership board, definitely not pity. what’s more they actually let me onto the anti-bullying team. me, really? well i guess i did yell at MSN a while back… anyway it was in my tenure on that board that i got to see many things including to help the budding relationship between two of the girls in my dance lesson, cut the bit about me taking dance will… nah leave it in, got my fancy moves… anyway i helped them get the confidence to come out of the closet and get everyone in the school on side, good deed of the decade if i do say so myself. plus they made out in front of me a few times which was… ah…. wait that kinda sounds exploitative, yeah… look we we’re the same age and… y’know what just cut that part ford. anyway: Leadership. i don’t know why with so much natural leadership i never had any friends, no “special” ones especially. that’s probably why i got a dog. pity my father was too cheap to microchip him so we lost him ages ago. then i got a cat, good things cats, all you have to do is feed them and you’ve always got someone to come home to. and then i moved here and had to leave the cat with my neighbour but it’s ok because a month or so back we got this prisoner off a bunch of WW2 guys and seeing as everyone else has forgotten about her i get to feed her. sure she’s not one of those short haired blondes i’m so… drawn… to… carter… i… cut that part ford, cut it all. but leave this bit in: this is a message for my sister Jeannie: it’s not that you’re bad at being my family but out here, out on the frontier where life or death can happen in an instant i’ve learned the importance of family especially for the family i have here but also you guys back home. if we survive i’ll see if i can scare up a guest role for you, maybe recurring. hell i’ll even give you a small part in a science fiction movie with the guy whose going to play aquaman in the future. if you never hear from me again… put all my money into building that giant gold statue i’ve always wanted.
to: friends and family
Message Reads: why does Dr McKay keep yelling at me? what did i do wrong?
To: family of colonel Sumner
Message Reads: sorry for your loss, if you exist. if it helps he died defying space vampires. he didn’t succeed but it’s the thought that counts right.
also shep tries to flee but the wraith Cockblock the gate meaning he has to pick up teylaa’s yokel friends and arghhh, i just don’t care. also the wraith have mothership beams that kill shit i guess.
rodney does the thing, things get through the gate and SGC cameo acknowledges it to send promethus out, only for it to be attacked by vala so that goes nowhere. boy does Mkay ramble on doesn’t he
it’s over? i got through the episode without my head exploding? yay, i guess.
just to be clear while mkay loves his short haired blondes i’m cool with any girl born around 1998 who’s smaller than me, so everyone thanks to being Mr tall, dark and derpy looking, preferably with freckles but i’m
desperate not that picky who’s open to doing both the “normal” and the “weird” stuff. i don’t enjoy long walks on the beech but i do like riffing TV and Movies. i like vidja games and… no matt this is not a dating website, this is a stargate Atlantis summary/review column. was this a good episode? maybe, was this better than earlier stargate clipshows? yes, it gave insight into the characters.