Letters from Pegasus, a Stargate Atlantis text review: The Intruder

netflix is being a bit shakey right now but i’ve got to get back to work because… would you rather i didn’t?

Last time On letters from pegasus:

Ford turns evil for no goddam reason, the wraith think we dun ‘sploded and… oh, we have a spaceship now, so it’s bottle show time!

Yay!

Teaser:

Space: the final frontier, these are the voyages of the USS Deadalus, it’s 4 out of 5 year mission: to seek out new ways to rip off trek, ignore new life and civilizations as they’re all dicks and to boldy act as a bus for dignitaries. see, just like star trek. in the time since the last episode weir and [netflix connection interrupted] shep got themselves a ride back to earth so that he can gloat about his promotion to lt colonel and she can quite rightly point out that Cam Mitchell is a [netflix connection interrupted] Lt Colonel and he doesn’t even have a personality so it’s really nothing special. they are [netflix connection interrupted] from drinking out of their belt clip mugs (pre-emptively excusing not ten forward from having stuff flying around it when someone jostles the camera, [Neat!flix connection interrupted]) by an ensign here to tell them “captain, you have to see this” and Dr Carson “one big bones reference” Beckett who’s here to tell us that this guy is dead and was killed by [Netflix wrongly thinks you have 2 browser tabs of it open, fuck you consumers!]

that’s it i’m pirating this under the rom principle of “i should be able to access it”. i mean for legal reasons no pirating took place and netflix means i’m paying for it so i figure nothing bad will come of this.

The Episode:

Remember that guy who died? well apparently he was fried by a wall socket while trying to install antivirus, nothing suspicious here. weir doesn’t think so and orders the ship out of hyperspace on precautionary grounds but bald captain cadwell… coldwell… cadwool, look i can’t keep on calling him picard because he’s more important that grodin, who? exactly. the point is that that she just ordered the ship to do something in front of the goa’uld-damned captain, Shifu weir, i expect better from you. plus he’s super pissed at her because as weir points out through aid of a flashback he wanted to [have your penis enlarged]… uh no, he wanted shep’s job because if there’s anything stargate command likes it’s have [ a sexy time with you]… no, having old men everywhere. huh, that’s odd. anyway McKay looks into it (literally everyone but Teylaa, Chuck and Sora came with them) to discover that someone cut the security camera feed deliberately and it might be sabatage so cadwell, clearly more of a weir understudy than a sheppard understudy, wags his finger and declares “oh fine, but you boys be careful”. they drop out of warp around a conveniently placed star system and Mkay and his friend mexican scotty get to work on poking around at more plug sockets to see who can die from stupidity first. surprisingly neither as they are interrupted by an inopportune [influential Abadosian Prince who needs your help, i pay good naquada]… i’m starting to think i shouldn’t have shunned adblock, anyway something releases the ship’s supply of DEADLY NEUROTOXIN on them and flushes Mexican Scotty out of the unnecessary airlock, nooo! he was my favourite running gag cameo! (plus you guys have asgard beaming stuff, too much effort?) now people start thinking things are really up and Rodney and Hermiod have a snarky nerd pissing contest (su neewteb kcid eno ton evah dragsa eht gniredisnoc evisserpmi ytterp). shep shows up and comments on the fact that grey, short and lacking in tackle is totally [russian girls posing naked for you now, they will do anything]… actually that one fits. they discover that there is a supposedly wraith (i’m now imagining wraith tech support, tis a funny image)  computer virus taking over the ship, or Moriarty. one of the two. it starts taking over more of the Daedalus and begins transmitting a “hey come over here and steal this” beacon but because they have fighter pilot shep on hand they blow the long range comms dish the hell up (not like we need that for anything anyway). then his F-302 (space fighter ) is infected and they have to use the previously forgotten asgard “teleport to standing position” beaming technology to get him out. as this [toby47: !!!] is starting to get on everyone’s nerves… if i ignore it it isn’t winning, they decide to turn the computer off and on again because even in the far off future of 2016 it’s still surprisingly amazing at this (plus it’s the go to phone responce from wraith tech support… wraith fro, hah) and they [Buy medicaments, mediocations, mediations… fack thus speeeling noonians]… speaking of which.

[blip]

[blip]

ahh, much better. so mkay and co do that and seeing as things look peachy on cursory glance go ahead and fly off using the sublight engines to hide from whatever manner of ferengi, or oranians i guess were attracted by the steal our shit distress call. oh and the [get good deals on lettuce] is back, that and the virus in the episode. and it decides to take them to the local sun, shut down the shields and burn them off to empty the ship. they theorise that it’s probably storing itself in the F-302 hard drives like the alien computer program hiding in MALPs from that episode of sg1 where carter turned into a text based adventure. so he and shep attempt to go to one hangar of 4 (i guess the others were empty) only to find that hal 9000’s burgler alarm ball based cousin has locked all the doors, it’s almost like discussing all your plans while wearing earpieces is a bad idea, but it’s ok because they [level up in the brand new elvenfuck online strategy game, only for adults]… sigh, beam in (by the way the asgard beaming algorithm has no “stand up rodney in pissing his pants pose” algorithm, good to know) and unplug all that shit, hurrying as the doors are open and even though hermiod saves their ass with a hangar shield (troppus hcet fo lE-laK eht yllacisab m’i ,thgir nmad) the virus shuts it down. they dive into a [big superburger combo, order yours now at DickMonalds] fighter and purge the computers again. speaking of which, disconecting my phone and…

[blip]

[blip]

Yaaa[She’s willing to expose her tits to you for money, that’s the internet for you] DAMN IT!, similarly this doesn’t work for our heroes. why? the thing’s hiding in the fighter they beamed shep out of earlier. shep flies out of the opening already open hangar (the animators weren’t lazy enough for this episode) has a space dogfight with it and kills it, going near enough the sun to be considered lethal in hermiod’s books (yawyna nerdlihc evah dluoc i ekil t’nsaw ti tsael ta llew .reggub ho …eihs evah ot sniarb eht htiw enoyna rof laed gib a t’nia ti enif yltcefrep nus a raen ylf nac kat’ah a gniredisnoc ,srekoj eseht ot lahtel) but surviving with little more than sunburn because cancer is Shep’s Bitch. that gives me an idea… wireless mouse, just going to build a bomb out of burned out 100w lightbulbs[want to make $500 a day? learn how to scam in 10 easy steps. or become a prostitute i guess]… ahh, yep. that should do it. now just got to…

[blip]

[blip]

scanning scanning scanning…. YEAH!!!!!!!!! dun dun… CSI music!

it works on the show too and they get on their way. our heroes arrive at atlantis to discover that they apparently forgot zelenka who has discovered loads of cool shit using the ZedPM. also teylaa has the expression of someone who’s spent the last month listening to sora make passive aggressive insults at her, which is weird as they didn’t know that i made that canon back when they made this.

also there’s some flashback subplots about shep being sad over ford going missing, weir getting dumped (wait what? how could you?) and carson recruiting new doctors with enough qualifications to make the lightspeed rescue team seem like average joes, and not even psychic barber ones.

Sora’s Hermiod’s Log:

[doimreH@Deadalus.sgc]: .sessabmud .meht ot gnihton si recnac yltnerappa esuaceb nus eht otni gnigrahc ffo og yeht dna ho ,sedud rieht flah ffo dellik dna nosaes tsal taht did ohw sedud nairotciV emos tuoba gniklat meht draeh i taht tcaf eht etipsed gnikcehc ylhguoroht tuohtiw yletaidemmi pu sgniht trats yeht dna ho ,tuo mih maeb ot em ksa ot kniht t’nod yeht dna setunim 5 ekil rof kcolria na ni kcuts si meht fo eno ,ylsuoires .diputs gnikcuf era snamuh eseht ,hu

[Tyranosora@Atlantis.pg]: hey, what are you doing in my computer dai… journal, this is private you know!

[doimreH@Deadalus.sgc]: my apologies human, this system of yours is poorly organised in it’s primitiveness.

[Tyranosora@Atlantis.pg]: fine whatever computer smartass, why are you writing backwards anyway?

[doimreH@Deadalus.sgc]: humans started reading my yraid, this is too “private you know”

[Tyranosora@Atlantis.pg]: come on, i’ve only been working with earthans for a month and even i know they have “apps” for that.

[doimreH@Deadalus.sgc]: niaga deliof ,sesruc

Final Thoughts:

i’m kidding of course, my spam never got that close to the correct spelling of medication.

this one was pretty good, even if most of the flashbacks were pointless and weirdly greyed… whited out? dunno. also F-302s, haven’t seen them in a… not true avalon with the aforementioned personality of a decapitated beaver cameron mitchell was happening at the time and that had flashbacks to them. man, shep is so much better than CamMitchell.

oh and hermiod brings stargate’s amazing catchphrase “indeed” to this show. go hermiod!

he’s deader than my netflix connection

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s