Letters from Pegasus, a Stargate Atlantis text review: Condemned

This episode is apparently about guys who are free of the wraith by feeding them free range mullety rebel and not even being all hush hush about it. also for some reason everyone on this planet looks like a past or present Channel Awesome contributor and referring to them thusly amuses me much, more than this episode does anyway.

The Teaser:

Shepsquad now featuring Ronan in beige longcoat go on an gateship scouting mission to that same damn boring lake in canada they fly over every episode. despite discovering red construction beams and a village full of fly tipped oil barrels mkay describes the place as “primitive” because he’s really not on the ball this week. also they’re attacked by the Team Panshy of [phelous.com] Rebel group and Ronan takes an arrow to the knee but someone they’ve never met before shows up in a “primitive” VTOL Police jet and invites them out for a subway.

The Episode:

At the canadian school of futurey-looking campus building the shepsqaud land and are escorted by NChick, Film brain and… is that phelous of [phelous.com]? wow, what a traitor, to the bald guy from that RT short about the death button.. wait, they’re not Channel Awesome, linkara’s ghost of christmas present? no, too old… a bearded morbidly obese version of Rob Walker… nah, too contrived. whatever, boring Creepy guy tells them they ship off ex-contributors to the boring island stargate for wraith consumption and wants to trade them an alliance for a fissionable, non-radioactive mineral that mkay can’t identify despite being the lead on a naquada generator project for the Russians a few years back. shep radio’s home and weir is like “yeah, i’m not so sure if we can trust this guy, come back home so we can talk it over”, but when they fly back home they are shot down by said contributors who had fashioned cannons out of a wealth of minerals and bamboo oil drums. team Panshy capture them and serial killer bearded panda and welshy steals ronan’s gun, much to his chagrin. then they grab rodney and tell him to work on fixing the gateship they shot down.

meanwhile weir notices that they’ve got lost and assembles a crack team of… eh, fuck it lorne grab a couple redshirts and let’s get cracking.

meanwhile mkay tells the guys that things are impossible and boring but everyone knows that he’s lying about the first part. boring Doctor Insano, who’s only there because he made an off colour joke on the internet, cuts them loose and rodney promises to fix the gateship DHD so they can screw this boring place and go home but are surrounded by the boring Panshy sqaud, who then fuck off because the boring wraith are here. ok then.

why are the wraith here? well we check back on the city to find creepy guy sharing a boring feast with a particularly veiney wraith who’s been arranging for him to convict innocents for feeding purposes. weir shows up and NChick tries to boring warn her but she’s kicked to the boring island, then creepy tries to arrest them too but weir brought an army and boring escape back to the gate.

with optimus trapped inside the earring rattrap and dinobot have a ballot over who’s the new leader and surprisingly rhinox despite being the smartest and strongest guy there gets… wait, sorry i was watching something infinitely more interesting.

rodney and co get the boring thing working, fending off boring rebels with good sturdy clubs but it doesn’t work and the wraith show up in cruisers this time. then they shoot them with drones and weir shows up to open the gate and strand team panshy on a boring backup alpha site (a beta site if you will) and take insano back home to be their president. then creepy guy is eaten.

Final Thoughts:

so being free of the wraith is a sure-fire indicator someone is an asshole, so this one is pretty boring really especially since the twist comes 3 minutes in and really doesn’t escalate. the mullety panshy guys aren’t really sympathetic and neither are the Channel Collaborators. even shellshocked insano is… well without all the charm and personality of his namesake and he’s supposed to be a good guy.

megatron then has his ass handed… wait i drifted off again.

i did like the fact that they’re giving everyone they meet the “atlantis is scrapped” lie and taking off their mission badges to continue fooling the wraith that they’re dead, even if they flub it later.

recommendation: go watch the tgwtg anniversary movies instead.

Mkay and Shepard Escape from the... damn it this thing is so damn boring

Mkay and Shepard Escape from the… damn it this thing is so damn boring

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