good news: more of the ancients doing what they do best: leaving downright dangerous failed experiments lying around everywhere for people to stumble upon. no wonder they chose to become incorporeal.
Previously on letters from pegasus:
i told you the cave from childhood’s end would be returning.
the shepsquad arrive on a mountainey-gorgey planet. oh and there’s that cave from Childhood’s End. told you so. mkay senses wierd energy with his chess travel kit in a gateway in the cave and they brush apart some leaves to find the ancients’ throwing stone stockpile and, sure enough, there’s weird energy shields going on. they poke it with a camera on a stick, i guess checking with the stick on it’s own to see it doesn’t disintegrate was too sensical. they christen this device the “MALP on a stick”, i think you’re supposed to laugh right about now but i’m half schizoid so what do i know. fortunately that comes out fine, unfortunately they don’t check to see how long it recorded (apparently this ancient mishap of the week involves time going quicker, cliche i know) and shep jumps right into it, getting sucked in and trapped.
even though last week was his last tv appearance ford’s still in the credits montage in like one shot. so we’ll never forget his crazy. thanks editors.
sheppard is trapped in some caves, after days of waiting for the 4th doctor to come by and give him a lift he sets out to explore the land after a lot of time and discovers a clan of magic yokels seeking to become spaceghost. also an actual ghost irratus bug monster. who keeps whooping his ass and leaving. the yokels tell him that the ancients built the place as a wraith proof ascension dojo, time goes like 240 times faster and they spend all their time meditating.
the ancients, for the guys who invented latin, never bothered to write carpe diem anywhere in the instructions. just shit like “when you see the candle is at the bottom of the river the dinner is burnt”. if you don’t want people meditating then don’t leave bullshit proverbs lying around. also weren’t you guys against helping people ascend? whatever.
this goes on for around a month (they say 6 months then give a different time ratio and time on the outside) so sheppard decides to go full riker with a beard and seduces the local empath.
meanwhile on the outside our other heros run around frantically freaking the fuck out, they send through candy bars, try to hit it with a gas giant weather ballon (Rod69: radek’s idea, not mine) that they have now, shut… deadalus science missions probably. as a last resort they scan the thing and the rest of the shepsquad, weir and carson rush in to disable the field, presumably nab its ZedPM too… this thing’s been running for at least 10,000 years, possibly 240,000 in the field. either it’s really efficient of they have a ton of those just lying around on an auto turner. they show up and fight the giant evil ghost, shep joins in and then all the other people show up and it was all a test. they sucked at it but Sheppard makes ascension his bitch, both figuratively and on several occasions including this one literally. the beast is ‘sploded, they become space ghost and sheppard is invited to be their king (RenegadeForLife: Thank you writer Joe Flannigan) but declines. then they’re like “you can’t steal our ZedPM cache because season 3, but good luck with all that and we’ll give you an out for this place”.
Spiritual Ascension is really really really really stupid. so we have to think, so we have to peace, so we have to be bold, yadda yadda yadda. i’m starting to think you could become spaceghost solely by reading dr suess.