we start off season 3 with bureaucrats… oh boy.
we have a brief perspective flip of last episode showing shep dogfighting, but learn nothing new.
ever heard of the IOA? they’re stargate’s on-hand douchebag politicians, and wooley! they call weir back to earth mid-planning-how-to-save-earth-from-space-vampires, a plan which involves sending the orion and deadalus out to where the wraith hive has to pitstop and regrow all the iradiated fleshy bits, and minister british guy and minister keiko try to blame shit on her, and woolsey! is woolsey! (which is to say: not a dick. meanwhile ronan and rodney struggle in their moist cocoons… that came out wrong, banter over their mutual bondage… no… remain strapped to the wall by theatre socks, that’s the one. sheppard is also hiding under the hive like so much millennium falcon.
shep considers unlatching himself from the bottom of the hive ship mid hyperspace but because he was looking at boobs when professor mckay was teaching that (really writers? really?) he has no idea if that’ll work. fortunately mikey radios him to offer him some advice: blow up the hyperdrive as soon as we’re out of warp. (RenegadeForLife: thanks buddy, listen any chance you can get your brother Donatello on the line, i was kind of hoping for some useful advice that i hadn’t already figured out by myself) and he does so to one of the hives before forgetting the 302 has a short range hyperdrive that he could have used to dodge the ensuing dogfight then he looses a wing, which is apparently fatal to a space fighter in space, and he’s captured. meanwhile team double R escape and set about going out with a bang (rod69: read: running around corridors for half an hour). mikey as a token of friendship and “they want to kill me now, no thanks to you” rescues shep and they set about finding the rod-ron coalition (RenegadeForLife: Read: running around doctor who sets for half an hour. then the Daedalus and the orion, now captained by Lorne and Zelenka, show up to respecitvely nuke spam and drone spam the hives. the orion manages to one tap the one that all our dudes aren’t running around on but runs out of power for shields and everyone has to be beamed off before it ‘splode(TheLorneing: look, our parachutes opened. we’re ok). our heroes on the hive join up, ronan gets his precious gun back and tries to kill mikey again but shep stops him because this is getting beyond a dick move at this point. then they escape in a transport to rejoin the Daedalus.
the deadalus isn’t doing that well itself, on account of having no offensive prowess. they do have railguns though and mikey points them a the weak spot for massive damage, disabling the hive’s offensive capabilities. a few lucky shots knock out the deadie’s life support though and despite frantic attempts by our heroes there’s nothing they can do, trapped in a void between the galaxies, no ships in range, those that aren’t (the soon to ‘splode prommie, the odyssey and (possibly) the korolev) are busy giving SG1 deus ex machinas so they’re busy. at lest the embossed earth P.O.O. logos are fine, seriously they have those on the side. if only we had some kind of massive disabled capital ship next door that we could beam air off of… or better mikey tells them to beam that aerosol that carson kept insisting on and turn them all human and amnesiac (RenegadeForLife: Captain Obvious, i’m promoting you to Major I-didn’t-think-of-that). after waiting with their fingers in their ears they beam over to discover most of the wraith ate themselves. the queen is all-right though (i guess she was protected by her spray tan) and attacks lorne only for him to be defended by his good buddy rodney, that done they have a wraith hive partay.
meanwhile hank landry and woolsey! (woolsey!) comfort weir on the disappearance of every main character but her, teylaa and carson. oh and screw bureaucrats, weir has more genital mass that those two combined.
things are pretty boring here at the city so i’ve decided to go through the ancestor database, that one with the hologram lady. i have to say despite everyone’s claims that she wasn’t much of a talker we struck a good conversation up about how weir earthans are, if i didn’t know better i’d say she was alive.
things are getting good again! would recommend, if that didn’t mean that you have to watch the last season to know what any of this is. screw season 2 and let us look forward to season 3 and the crossover with sg1 (i’m doing that as part of this, it aired on the same day as the episode after next.
oh and… To Be Continued!