it’s Crossover time again, probably the last too.
so this is all about alchemy, hoo boy this is going to be stupid.
cool idea guys! we take a bunch of stargates, lug them into the void between pegasus and the milky way and macro them all together so we can have a nice quick trip between the galaxies without throwing around ZedPMs like there’s no tomorrow. carter just visited to tell us about that, rodney’s still sulking in the corner about how she’s smarter than him. sounds like an interesting plot? it does? well too bad, here’s some yokels instead. the yokels are lead by some douche called lucifer lavin, and they’re all his wife, even that old man. he starts hitting on teylaa and invites everyone over for spatchcock irratus bug or something. also he has a flask of something, so he’s probably a wizard… or just a drunk.
also shep has a cold, this is very important as everyone knows colds make you immune every sci-fi ever.
so lucy here has many amazing wares to trade with them, like marrows and candles, and some presumably homoeopathic medicine and wants in exchange a gateship so he can go prancing around the sky. “we’re done here” shep decides and they abscond back to atlantis. but, seeing as nobody seems that ill around there, sends carson back to check out his 0.00000000000000001% onion blend to see if it has any value. it does not, but lucy tells carson about the time he saved a baby with brain damage and they are married soon after. carson takes lucy back to atlantis (way to blow your cover drunk carson) and tells them about his amazing amazing. he is not, but after telling them about the time he beheaded a dude he’s married to them all and only Rodney, Chuck and Shep are still sane.
rodney and shep formulate a plan to examine the stuff he has in his hip flask by stealing it off his planet while lucy formulates a plan to have carson, ronan and teylaa raid a planet with 3 hives on for some space mary-jane with which to replenish his space date-rape supply which sheppard objects to because he’s not an idiot, chuck formulates a plan to continue installing 1942 on the stargate ops computer for those long night shifts. the last two of these plans were successful, shep doesn’t find anything but people suffering lucy withdrawal and returns to find that rodney was tied to a wall and told about the time lucy shat himself, and is now also his wife.
shep, having had quite about enough of atlantis becoming an opium den, kidnaps carson to make a cure for “i love lucy” syndrome but is captured when he flies out to the mainland in a cloaked jumper then goes outside and builds a campfire, idiot. so he’s shoved in the wraith cage to be brainwashed after his cold wears off but it turns out the easy to capture thing was all just a ruse, carson cures everyone and the day is saved leaving everyone feeling a little unclean but otherwise ok.
wacky date rape hyjinks are afoot.
drugging people and raping them is not a goofy thing guys, for something that’s the plot of approximately 17% of mind control pornographic prose it needs at least a little more dignified treatment than this.
The Pegasus Project
The Setup (sg1 S10 primer):
since we last summarized sg1 things had changed a little, Jack O’Neill had been promoted to a job that he can still do without doing his back in and got replaced with John Crichton… sorry, no: he’s interesting. instead we got Cameron Mitchell. Cameron Mitchell is an “amazing” “human” form replicator capable of reacting to things put in front of him in a fairly dull manner. his only real defining characteristic was that he always ended up in sword fights for no reason. it’s ok though, as we also got Vala Mal Doran, a ex goa’uld host, ex con artist, ex SG1 member, ex virgin Mary analogy and current daniel’s tormentor. she’s pretty fun. for some reason carter’s not fully in charge, cam kinda shares that with her despite being meh. also sam’s dad died of stress while killing the replicators, that’s pretty sad. oh and the the jaffa rebelled and took over, no more goa’uld part from baal who’s busy cloning himself like there’s no tomorrow. oh and there are these guys called the Ori, they fly around in giant hoola hoops killing everying while also sending out their wizard bishops to plague everyone. the ori live far off in the ancient’s home galaxy (that they had to run away from, sounds familiar?) and are space ghosts with their own cult of yokels, most of their deal is about “we’re space ghost, we can blow up planets with our mind, why shouldn’t we be gods?” and the rest about “eat soylent green for space ghost powers”. also they’re kind of an analogy for christianity, but if we don’t mention anything to do with christianity no ultra conservative tv execs will come along and cancel us, right?
the ori have set up a giant stargate next to a black hole (black holes power stargates… somehow) for sending through capital ships. they totally blew up the russian BC304 and possibly gary chalk. oh and SG1 is looking for the holy grail built by merlin to blow up space ghost… somehow.
also i’m pretty sure Daniel died again at least twice.
and teal’c has hair but not reed richards’ hair yet
so the deadalus… no wait, that’s the odyssey… try and spell odyssey in one go without looking, it’s hard.
so the odeyartahet is flying through space to lantea.
sg1 has been called on a mission to the pegasus galaxy on some scheme the tech department (sam, bill and jay phelger. say what you will about the guy but he knows how to screw up stargates) cooked up for stopping the supergate/chappa’ko from reinforcing the fleet of murkerkillships currently in the milky way. daniel’s excited to finally get to atlantis, or he would be if he wasn’t up till 3 in the morning… sorry, this is atlantis isn’t it… up till 3 in The Lorneing. mitchell, who today is written as being a little upbeat, wakes him up and they re-enter to the dulcet tones of weir traffic control.
So we finally get to see why Atlantis’ season 3 conference room has two tables: crossovers. also weir needs a haircut, hope the fix that next episode that we just watched…
anyway our two teams meet up and shep has a talk with cam, definitively confirming that shep is the better military lead character in terms of presence. also he’s kind of a dick to rodney, giving cam a lemon and telling him to threaten him (Rod69: look if this is about that solar system i’ve made several elaborate displays of apology over the last year, can you please cut me a little slack). oh and carter says they need him to stick around and make her look better, rodney responds for “thanking” her for the time his hallucination of her showed up in a low cut (Pink!) top and failed to convince him the thing that could have kept him alive longer that one time… wow, hallu-carter is really a product of rodney’s mind, in the presence of carter (herself) she’s mostly useless. no matter they fly off to a black hole with a “requisitioned” milky way gate and a stash of nukes. they dial teal’c who’s next to the supergate in a goa’uld alkesh bomber with another minigate and hope to make the gate stream jump to the supergate so that it’s blocked and ori cruisers can’t fly through, obviously dialing in or out from it doesn’t work because plot but if there’s one thing carter learnt from being stuck on a glacier with McGyver it’s that gates jump between each other when you blast them, and from dialling a black hole that nukes are great for this kind of thing.
meanwhile daniel and vala go to the atlantis wikipedia hologram chamber and start hitting the… hologram lady, not literally, that was just a metaphor for hitting the books although daniel does claim that the hologram is a little like a teacher he “had”back in 5th grade and though i don’t know american schooling i do know that daniel jackson has had sex with pretty much everyone in the galaxy, he’s even lucy’s wife. whatever they cross reference some stuff because they need to know the names of two planets they read about, scene 27 and castle arrrgh, and their addresses. vala is like “why not just ask?”, daniel responds “linguisics does not work that way… oh, all right” and they get their answers. but it’s too neat for him, especially as they use the earth P.O.O. symbol. he presses on searching through the database of ancient passports.
the odie-the-dogyssey starts a’nuking but one turns out to be too little. rodney, for once upstaging carter, hits on using 2 nukes but they only have 4 left so have to get it right, or go back to the store they no doubt have on Atlantis. first attempt with that also doesn’t work. meanwhile chuck is disturbed from composing a symphony about the battle of the void when he discovers a wraith hive heading towards the occulusriftissey because… drama, and they can’t warn them because… drama, so they send a message through the sgc to the gamma site (recently overrun by rabid mealworms, recovering) to teal’c and he tells them. also a ori capital ship shows up and he has to cloak the gate with the cloak he has now, shut up.
meanwhile danny boy and vala discover merlin, who we saw in season 1, wos ‘ere. they think he may have been back to tamper with the hologram but she tells them he wasn’t, the first human here after the ancients left was old weir. she then tells him to fuck off and vanishes. weir comes in and is like “sure she can be condescending at times…” but chuck takes a break from his project to calculate the meaning of life using a magnavox odyssey and a pair of silicon nose implants to tell them they’re not using any power. oh and lady hologram is… dun dun dun… Morgan Le Fay, who is now merlin’s buddy. she can’t help because the others, the others are going to get their asses kicked by the ori but damn it they don’t like interfering in the affairs of mortals. she and a bunch of mullety space ghost rebels are trying to give cryptic hints to our heroes, she even tries to tell them where the holy grail is but is taken off to the ascended naughty step.
The bill odyssey fights the wraith for a bit in a spacewar (1962) before ben browder remembers he was on farscape and farscape manoeuvres (slingshots) around the black hole. this also somehow disables the hive’s anti beaming shield and they blow that up, jumping the gate and destroying the ori ship, that teal’c had waved a red cloth in front of, in the giant unstable vortex. D-d-d-d-double kill.
oh and the day is saved i guess.
the house style for season 10 sg1 and the house style for season 3 atlantis feel pretty different, this one’s a lot darker, then again lucy is barely serious plot about people trying to invade the galaxy material.
also everyone’s a dick to rodney, what the hell? we like this guy now! really everyone seems a little out of character for this one. a crossover where the only significant atlantis character is treated like he was several years before his character development despite clearly being written as the current version and all the others are just there to say lines is kind of a meh crossover
i’m a bit worried about Morgan, when i went down for my usual chat this morning i couldn’t find her. i think her projector might be broken. i’ve had doctor radek examine her but he couldn’t find any problems, i hope she’s ok.
still, rather that worrying i though i might as well find someone else to talk to, the first person i ran into being this strange man called something laveen who seemed more eager to talk to me than i was to anyone, inventing this bizzare tale about how he saved his village from an imaginary monster by dying. he then asked me to be his… a-really-big-numberth wife and passed out on the floor in his own vomit. i was pretty weirded out by that so went to see help chuck with that model of the city he was building out of paper towels from the mess hall, after all i am an architect… kinda.
surprisingly i think that Irresistible was the better episode here. neither of them was really boring but the goofy episode about everyone getting high and marrying this one dude managed to be more in character and more suspenseful than the episode about sg1, the guys i should care about a whole lot considering they’re frikken sg1! with vala!, was just kind of… set piecey? nothing new? out of context kinda irrelevant seeming? i don’t know, obviously as an atlantis episode or even as a crossover it kind of sucked but as a sg1 episode? not sure really. seasons 9 and 10 weren’t really up to the spec of 1-8, then again i didn’t need to be motivated to continue watching unlike a certain season 2 i just went through, a certain non ben 10 or community season 2.
holy old people batman! i made a “i love lucy” joke, and a good chunk of you have no idea what that was or only heard about it through power rangers or something. here’s an explanation for those of you.