so we can already tell from the title of this that this is all a dream, off to a good start.
dr weir wakes up in a prefabricated building, the ones most government funded schools are these days only there’s a bed which means this is actually an old people’s home, in a medical gown and the doors are locked, throw out the old padded cell set from that one episode with Daniel killing everyone with invisible bugs?, and there’s lens flare and Dutch angles all over the shop screaming “this is all a dream” at you pretty much everywhere. she bangs on the door and discovers that to her dismay she hasn’t landed this shitty plyboard cell on the wicked wraith queen of the east and no she hasn’t got to go on an adventure with the scarerodney, tin carson and the cowardly ronan to retrieve their respective body parts from the system lord known only as “the great and powerful oz”, spray a bug with salt water and discover that it was Daniel Jackson bullshitting everyone the whole time.
pity, that could have been fun but no, martin didn’t take vala up on her offer (aired the same day). instead all we get is dr walter “dickless” peck from ghostbusters telling her that they think she cray cray because this is all a dream.
so Dr dickless has bad news for weir, the last 2 years have all been a coma, taking up maybe a couple days or about 45 episodes for those of us playing at home. weir doesn’t really buy that you could have 25 months crammed into the time it takes to play an average game of monopoly but dickless dismisses it in such a way as to leave me wondering why this episode isn’t 5 minutes long. oh and atlantis and the stargate program aren’t real despite the fact that at this point in weir’s life she was literally running stargate command.
weir bullshits her way out of the institute, tracks down the dreamworld!Atlantis Team (including dreamworld!ford who still has that wraith stunner lying around on that bus he was put on, that could be useful), convinces them she knows them using stuff she learned about them, made them the heralds of her sanity and ran a heist on Cheyenne mountain (it’s not hard, it’s been frequently done first by sg1 in the mirrorverse, then carter, then those cadets) culminating in a epic fight (a weirld war if you will) against the dream SF officers as they dial the gate back to… no wait, that would be entirely in character for her.
instead she’s visited by O’Neill, who denies everything, sees his head turn into cgi and responds by freaking the fuck out. her rehab goes well though as she gets to listen to an old lady talk about space lizards steal blood because they’re cold blooded and we’re walm blooded (wow, dreamworld central heating must be really expensive), cam mitchell who definitely didn’t kill that woman, a bald guy who swears he spent 50 years learning to play the flute and a man who looks suspiciously like cowen who’s depressed because he killed his imaginary cellmate best friend. then she gets a morale boost as she’s visited by her mother who is somehow shorter than her and is given her time lord pocket watch that she’s had on her desk for ages (i personally prefer the second weirctor but your favourite usually depends which one you grew up watching). she sees some weird tall dark and faceless figures but starts taking imaginary meds so that’s all fine and they let her go back to… handing over the world’s nukes to superman or something. also simon died in a car crash but he dumped her so she’s not all that fussed.
meanwhile on atlantis, which the wiki feels the need to clarify is still real as if the last 45 episodes weren’t evidence enough, weir is infected by nyan’s strangle nanites and carson’s trying to cure them, it’s not working and by the way this is not technically a dream, which the episode feels the need to clarify is what’s going on as if the last 20 minutes of linear narrative weren’t evidence enough. thanks for that.
weir is back home with her little dog too she goes off her green jelly beans and hallucinates that the stargate is in her door, thank goa’uld the door opens inward or the refurnishing fees would be massive, and then she’s attacked by ninjas. in the real world carson and rodney inject her with wraith tissue to lure the nanites out into the open so they can zap them. unfortunately they’ve started to eat weir so they’re kinda mostly organic and apparently that makes them immune. in the dreamworld weir shows up at the loony bin to tell everyone they’re imaginary, so they tie her to a torture rack and threaten to cut her up. on the outside shep theorises that the nanites are actually trying to take over weir’s mind and use her body as a means to… do something instead of just recycling her into nanite parts. and that by loudly declaring their belif in santa christ they can save her. weir breaks free before those dudes cut her up and runs around some corridors, takes a turbolift to the sgc (jumping from one place to another with no explanation, now we’re on familiar dream territory!) and is lead by the sound of shep’s dulcet tones towards the gate which she dials to atlantis (pity she couldn’t have stolen one of those dreamworld ZedPMs just lying around). then the peck/o’niell/nyan thing tries to stop her but she just walks through him, it would have been really embarrassing if he was actually solid. all the nanites out of their preprogrammed sense of fair play repair all the brain damage they gave her and self terminate. we end on a conversation between her and john, what about? no idea, my dad just cut the internet off but i assume it involved something along the lines of “thanks for being there for me”. or apparently “i’m a little shady about taking a nap right now”. shep voices his concern that he’s infected now but fortunately the episode stops.
imagine that and add weir spending a good 10 minutes screaming like an 8 year old at glitches in the matrix and you have this episode.
morgan’s back! apparently she had been taken by “the others” for helping those visitors we had a couple weeks back and punished by having to listen to two earth cats scream at each other from either side of a window at random frequent intervals. one one hand i’m pretty glad i’m not a hologram because that sounds nasty, on the other hand they tortured my friend and if there was any way i could get into her hologram world and give these others a piece of my mind i’d take it. unfortunately when i brought this up with doctor radek he just told me that their “feee-arrr chairs” are all back on earth. morgan seemed pretty cheered up (if a little anxious) by my support.
seriously (weir-iously?) out of character for our fearless leader here, especially seeing as this has happened to her once before, she’s seen herself die, fought an enemy that can make ghost horses appear for years now, she’s been taken over by a looney pod person and she’s done the same thing the nanites are doing to her to the wraith twice now. doing this to anyone who starred in home was a bad idea from the start and weir? nu-uhh.
and why place her in a situation outside of her normal job if you wanted to take over her mind nanites. a week of looking over reports and hearing about sheppard
don’t bother watching, i came up with two better plots just writing this.