The Ancients Create a bunch of civilizations and a device for controlling every aspect of their lives while being revered as gods and end up leaving them technologically stagnated.
Ori-ly ya bunch of hypacrits?
Rodney tries to persuade everyone to kill someone with a train but atlantis has no trains and it’s a stupid thought experiment anyway. then lorne calls in to report on a strange stationary satellite array in low orbit (disregarding that satellites do not work that way) and tell rodney that he’s been sighted on a yokel planet’s flag.
Rod69: “huh, that looks like the flag for geldar”
what’s a geldar? geldar is rodney’s steampunk micro-nation he’s being playing as in a game he and sheppard discovered in Atlantis’ bowels during the first year of the expedition. except as you can probably guess it’s not a game it’s REAL!!! so rodney visits matrixville and walks around for a whole 5 minutes of screentime before anyone realizes he looks just like their god. so while ronan browses for toy planes rodney walks up to the local leader CarterClone#597 AKA Nola and sets about getting himself a proper grovelling reception. unfortunately this is disrupted by sheppard’s hallumi chancellor guy showing up to declare economic sanctions. they argue around a bit and then Shepsquad abducts them back to Atlantis so they can tell them all about how their god-emperors are in fact man-emperors and they should take control of their own lives. doing so they decide to continue their aggressions into a full on war. as the blimps of Goldar and the massive army of humous attack each other over a small minefield incident and their cities crumble our heroes go out with dignity knowing that if anyone’s to blame then it’s defiantly sheppard and rodney for creating this wraith forsaken dirtball.
yet again a great man has died, and brought another great man with him, and teyla, and that tall guy.
i should be sad but i made a pretty big bet with Dr Katie that they’re coming back and i’m already budgeting out for camping supplies for my planned trip to M1M-316
you happy now producers? we’ve killed of two fledgling civilizations and half the main cast. oh you want them back? well then maybe you shouldn’t go around ordering deaths for edginess.
fine, you can have them back. it’s all a simulation on the war tables, those weren’t explosions those were railgun shots from the Daedalus to simulate shit going down. they agree to peace and the end.
oh great, now we’re running short because we couldn’t put in all those funeral scenes. how about i add in the gate effect? that’s always a good time sink… no, how about a subplot where radek and evan start playing then weir turfs them back to their jobs? yep sure.
what have we learned here today? it’s safer to stay inside and play video games than to go outside and talk to people.